You are all hereby warned:
Jan. 14th, 2004 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
weaselmomThe next season of "American Idol" starts January 19. And you know what that means.
In a desperate attempt to avoid generating new content, I bring you the states meme, or as I like to call it,
1) Alabama -- No. Banjos give me hives.
2) Alaska -- Alas, not yet. I would like to take one of the Inside Passage cruises before all the dang glaciers melt or everything becomes coated in oilspill. More specifically, I would like somebody to buy me a cruise.
3) Arizona -- No, although S lived there for seven years or so, where his dad was the director of the Phoenix Art Museum.
4) Arkansas -- There has not been, there is not, and there will never ever be a reason for me to visit Arkansas.
5) California -- Three or so trips to San Francisco, one trip to Dizzyland (with my mom fer freak's sake), and three trips to open game stores. On the last trip, I left the day before an earthquake hit. S has family in San Diego. Oh! Forgot about the several times we went to a big SCA war in Northern California.
6) Colorado -- Plane change at Denver with a layover sufficient for a little shopping. Nice airport, but scary as hell flying in.
7) Connecticut -- This state is about as big as one of our Park 'n Ride lots, so I don't think I would have noticed even if I had been there.
8) Delaware -- Ditto.
9) Florida -- Spent a week in Florida for S's family reunion in -- get this -- JULY. I cannot recommend it. We went to Dizzyworld, but so did 150,000 Brazilian tourists ecstatic that their team had just won the World Cup in Orlando. Florida has daily thunderstorms that you can set your clock by. It also has real live alligators in genuine lakes with no protective glass or mesh or anything. Also water moccasins, copperheads, cottonmouths (none of which we saw but had been warned about) and huge frogs in the toilet (ask me how I know this).
10) Georgia -- Layover in Atlanta on the way to Florida. Not much was open.
11) Hawaii -- Many, many times growing up. I've been to the Big Island, Maui, and Oahu. I like Oahu best because there is so much to do, so much history. I'm not much for lying on the beach in the sun.
12) Idaho -- Nope.
13) Illinois -- Visited my grandmother in Springfield when I was little. After that, it was limited to opening a couple of game stores. Awesome lightning storm, the El, and a place called Spike's Rat Bar.
14) Indiana -- No, but I could have taken an offramp and gone there while in Illinois.
15) Iowa -- I don't even know where the hell Iowa is.
16) Kansas -- Not yet, but I suppose it is inevitable. S was technically born in Kansas.
17) Kentucky -- Nope.
18) Louisiana -- No. My mom lived there briefly and she said when it rained, all the snakes would come out of the swamps and they'd be all over the streets and lawns. Since this is my idea of the 4th circle of Hell, I see no reason to go to Louisiana.
19) Maine -- Why would anybody need to go to Maine? We have a perfectly good Portland on the West Coast.
20) Maryland -- Worked at Worldcon one year. Baltimore is where I saw my first rat. I heard something rustling in the bushes and thought, "How nice! A charming woodland creature, such as a squirrel or a chipmunk, has joined me here in this park." Five seconds later, my feet did not touch the ground all the way back to the hotel.
21) Massachusetts -- I'm against Massachusetts on general principle.
22) Michigan -- For my sins, I had to open three game stores in Michigan.
Driving in Michigan made me crazy because of the "Michigan left." You couldn't make a left turn -- you had to make a bunch of rights. I was lost all the damn time because it took people a half hour to explain how to go two miles. Also, drivers didn't run red lights like they do here, but they sure jumped the green. It was also the first place where I saw less than a dozen Japanese-brand cars. Up here it is Honda heaven, but there it was all about the FoMoCo.
23) Minnesota -- My first out-of-state store was at the Mall of America. This was also my first tornado warning. I have not since returned to Minnesota.
24) Mississippi -- I cannot name a single "city" (*sporfle*) in Mississippi. However, if it weren't for Mississippi, we would be short one amusing "Farscape" moment.
25) Missouri -- Kansas East, as far as I can tell.
26) Montana -- Too big. Too flat.
27) Nebraska -- What exactly is Nebraska for, again?
28) Nevada -- I don't gamble, so there's no reason to go to Nevada.
29) New Hampshire -- I understand the leaves are nice, but I can't imagine traveling across the country to gawk at them.
30) New Jersey -- No. Noooooooooo.
31) New Mexico -- Sometime I might like to visit the desert Southwest, but I'm not sure if we keep it in New Mexico or somewhere else.
32) New York -- If the Smithsonian is in New York, maybe I will go there someday. If it isn't, then never mind. I work with a bunch of people from New York so I feel I am now an authority on New Yorkers. Besides, we hates the Yankees, yessss.
33) North Carolina -- I got no respect for North Carolina.
34) North Dakota -- I saw "Fargo" and that should do it.
35) Ohio -- Worked a Con in Columbus. Good fun, good people, and my first exposure to kumquats. Ohio didn't completely suck.
36) Oklahoma -- Worked a Con in Tulsa. We tried so hard to get drunk but just couldn't accomplish it. Stupid practically dry state. There had been a homicide two blocks from the hotel so we didn't go anywhere. I suspect we didn't miss much.
37) Oregon -- I have spent untold hundreds, thousands of hours in Oregon. Almost every one of them has been good, but the bad ones were bad indeed. Portland remains one of my very favorite places to visit. Lovely little city, handsome people, great food, terrific shopping, and no sales tax.
38) Pennsylvania -- Spent almost two weeks in whatever part of Pennsylvania has Exton Square Mall in it. The state is no doubt chock-full of historic history, but the only outing I had was to the big mall in King of Prussia. What the hell kind of a place name is King of Prussia? -- Discuss.
39) Rhode Island -- I just found out fairly recently that Rhode Island is not, in point of fact, an island at all. Wtf? Who named your state -- badgers?
40) South Carolina -- If I need a hurricane fix, I'll look at pictures online.
41) South Dakota -- I can't name a single thing about this state. Apparently they have no malls or conventions, though.
42) Tennessee -- I don't want to visit Tennessee any more than they want to have me visit.
43) Texas -- Worked Worldcon in San Antonio (or as we like to say when we want to embarrass ourselves in front of the locals, San Antone). My advice is to not visit Texas during the summer. I went from air-conditioned hotel to air-conditioned restaurant, and that's about it. Oh yes -- Princess Diana died while we were on that trip. Thanks, Texas.
44) Utah -- After watching the winter Olympics in SLC, there is no point in ever visiting the place.
45) Vermont -- Out of all those fiddly little Northeastern "states" that keep falling between the country's sofa cushions, I would probably like Vermont the most. They seem feisty, with that whole "Don't Tread On Me" attitude.
46) Virginia -- Not me, but S has been there a couple of times. I think he enjoyed some of the historic feel.
47) Washington -- My home. Born here, living here, will die here if I have my way. You can have my mountain (Rainier) when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. I love my home.
48) West Virginia -- Reminds me of John Denver, which is reason enough to stay far away.
49) Wisconsin -- Spent a surreal week at GenCon with K. We had a blast, at least for parts of it (Spy Bar! Zombies!! Mader's!!!). I can now say I have DONE Wisconsin.
50) Wyoming -- No, but S used to ski at Jackson Hole.
In a desperate attempt to avoid generating new content, I bring you the states meme, or as I like to call it,
1) Alabama -- No. Banjos give me hives.
2) Alaska -- Alas, not yet. I would like to take one of the Inside Passage cruises before all the dang glaciers melt or everything becomes coated in oilspill. More specifically, I would like somebody to buy me a cruise.
3) Arizona -- No, although S lived there for seven years or so, where his dad was the director of the Phoenix Art Museum.
4) Arkansas -- There has not been, there is not, and there will never ever be a reason for me to visit Arkansas.
5) California -- Three or so trips to San Francisco, one trip to Dizzyland (with my mom fer freak's sake), and three trips to open game stores. On the last trip, I left the day before an earthquake hit. S has family in San Diego. Oh! Forgot about the several times we went to a big SCA war in Northern California.
6) Colorado -- Plane change at Denver with a layover sufficient for a little shopping. Nice airport, but scary as hell flying in.
7) Connecticut -- This state is about as big as one of our Park 'n Ride lots, so I don't think I would have noticed even if I had been there.
8) Delaware -- Ditto.
9) Florida -- Spent a week in Florida for S's family reunion in -- get this -- JULY. I cannot recommend it. We went to Dizzyworld, but so did 150,000 Brazilian tourists ecstatic that their team had just won the World Cup in Orlando. Florida has daily thunderstorms that you can set your clock by. It also has real live alligators in genuine lakes with no protective glass or mesh or anything. Also water moccasins, copperheads, cottonmouths (none of which we saw but had been warned about) and huge frogs in the toilet (ask me how I know this).
10) Georgia -- Layover in Atlanta on the way to Florida. Not much was open.
11) Hawaii -- Many, many times growing up. I've been to the Big Island, Maui, and Oahu. I like Oahu best because there is so much to do, so much history. I'm not much for lying on the beach in the sun.
12) Idaho -- Nope.
13) Illinois -- Visited my grandmother in Springfield when I was little. After that, it was limited to opening a couple of game stores. Awesome lightning storm, the El, and a place called Spike's Rat Bar.
14) Indiana -- No, but I could have taken an offramp and gone there while in Illinois.
15) Iowa -- I don't even know where the hell Iowa is.
16) Kansas -- Not yet, but I suppose it is inevitable. S was technically born in Kansas.
17) Kentucky -- Nope.
18) Louisiana -- No. My mom lived there briefly and she said when it rained, all the snakes would come out of the swamps and they'd be all over the streets and lawns. Since this is my idea of the 4th circle of Hell, I see no reason to go to Louisiana.
19) Maine -- Why would anybody need to go to Maine? We have a perfectly good Portland on the West Coast.
20) Maryland -- Worked at Worldcon one year. Baltimore is where I saw my first rat. I heard something rustling in the bushes and thought, "How nice! A charming woodland creature, such as a squirrel or a chipmunk, has joined me here in this park." Five seconds later, my feet did not touch the ground all the way back to the hotel.
21) Massachusetts -- I'm against Massachusetts on general principle.
22) Michigan -- For my sins, I had to open three game stores in Michigan.
Driving in Michigan made me crazy because of the "Michigan left." You couldn't make a left turn -- you had to make a bunch of rights. I was lost all the damn time because it took people a half hour to explain how to go two miles. Also, drivers didn't run red lights like they do here, but they sure jumped the green. It was also the first place where I saw less than a dozen Japanese-brand cars. Up here it is Honda heaven, but there it was all about the FoMoCo.
23) Minnesota -- My first out-of-state store was at the Mall of America. This was also my first tornado warning. I have not since returned to Minnesota.
24) Mississippi -- I cannot name a single "city" (*sporfle*) in Mississippi. However, if it weren't for Mississippi, we would be short one amusing "Farscape" moment.
25) Missouri -- Kansas East, as far as I can tell.
26) Montana -- Too big. Too flat.
27) Nebraska -- What exactly is Nebraska for, again?
28) Nevada -- I don't gamble, so there's no reason to go to Nevada.
29) New Hampshire -- I understand the leaves are nice, but I can't imagine traveling across the country to gawk at them.
30) New Jersey -- No. Noooooooooo.
31) New Mexico -- Sometime I might like to visit the desert Southwest, but I'm not sure if we keep it in New Mexico or somewhere else.
32) New York -- If the Smithsonian is in New York, maybe I will go there someday. If it isn't, then never mind. I work with a bunch of people from New York so I feel I am now an authority on New Yorkers. Besides, we hates the Yankees, yessss.
33) North Carolina -- I got no respect for North Carolina.
34) North Dakota -- I saw "Fargo" and that should do it.
35) Ohio -- Worked a Con in Columbus. Good fun, good people, and my first exposure to kumquats. Ohio didn't completely suck.
36) Oklahoma -- Worked a Con in Tulsa. We tried so hard to get drunk but just couldn't accomplish it. Stupid practically dry state. There had been a homicide two blocks from the hotel so we didn't go anywhere. I suspect we didn't miss much.
37) Oregon -- I have spent untold hundreds, thousands of hours in Oregon. Almost every one of them has been good, but the bad ones were bad indeed. Portland remains one of my very favorite places to visit. Lovely little city, handsome people, great food, terrific shopping, and no sales tax.
38) Pennsylvania -- Spent almost two weeks in whatever part of Pennsylvania has Exton Square Mall in it. The state is no doubt chock-full of historic history, but the only outing I had was to the big mall in King of Prussia. What the hell kind of a place name is King of Prussia? -- Discuss.
39) Rhode Island -- I just found out fairly recently that Rhode Island is not, in point of fact, an island at all. Wtf? Who named your state -- badgers?
40) South Carolina -- If I need a hurricane fix, I'll look at pictures online.
41) South Dakota -- I can't name a single thing about this state. Apparently they have no malls or conventions, though.
42) Tennessee -- I don't want to visit Tennessee any more than they want to have me visit.
43) Texas -- Worked Worldcon in San Antonio (or as we like to say when we want to embarrass ourselves in front of the locals, San Antone). My advice is to not visit Texas during the summer. I went from air-conditioned hotel to air-conditioned restaurant, and that's about it. Oh yes -- Princess Diana died while we were on that trip. Thanks, Texas.
44) Utah -- After watching the winter Olympics in SLC, there is no point in ever visiting the place.
45) Vermont -- Out of all those fiddly little Northeastern "states" that keep falling between the country's sofa cushions, I would probably like Vermont the most. They seem feisty, with that whole "Don't Tread On Me" attitude.
46) Virginia -- Not me, but S has been there a couple of times. I think he enjoyed some of the historic feel.
47) Washington -- My home. Born here, living here, will die here if I have my way. You can have my mountain (Rainier) when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. I love my home.
48) West Virginia -- Reminds me of John Denver, which is reason enough to stay far away.
49) Wisconsin -- Spent a surreal week at GenCon with K. We had a blast, at least for parts of it (Spy Bar! Zombies!! Mader's!!!). I can now say I have DONE Wisconsin.
50) Wyoming -- No, but S used to ski at Jackson Hole.
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hahahaaha ha!
Date: 2004-01-15 06:09 pm (UTC)It's a joke. Gotta be. Or a conversational gambit-cum-city name.
Second, you are a freakin' comic genius, my dear! Honestly, you need to write a book of comic-stuff. You know, funnyness. Wit. That sorta thang. You'd sell a million. I can't even begin quoting which of the above made me laugh. Heeeee!
Hugs,
Chris
Re: hahahaaha ha!
Date: 2004-01-15 09:54 pm (UTC)You are too kind! I don't feel funny. You know who's funny?